Wild Forests

Karen Armstrong - the practice of religion

2006-05-16T09:19:00.000+10:00

An fascinating quote from Karen Armstrong's The Spiral Staircase:-

"He had told me that in most traditions, faith was not about belief but about practice. Religion is not about accepting twenty impossible propositions before breakfast, but about doing things that change you. It is a moral aesthetic, an ethical alchemy. If you behave in a certain way, you will be transformed. The myths and laws of religion are not true because they confirm to some metaphysical, scientific or historical reality but because they are life-enhancing. They tell you how human nature functions, but you will not discover their truth unless you apply these myths and doctrines to your own life and put them into practice. The myths of the hero, for example, are not meant to give us historical information about Prometheus or Achilles- or for that matter about Jesus or the Buddha. Their purpose is to compel us to act in such a way that we reveal our own heroic potential.

In the course of my studies, I have discovered that the religious quest is not about discovering 'the truth' or 'the meaning of life', but about living as intensely as possible in the here and now. The idea is not to lath on to some superhuman personality or to get to heaven, but to discover how to be fully human - hence the images of the perfect or enlightened man, or the deified human being. Archetypal figures such as Muhammad, the Buddha and Jesus become icons of fulfilled humanity. God or Nirvana is not an optional extra tacked on to our human nature. Men and women have the potential for the divine, and are not complete unless they realise it within themselves... In the past, my own practice of religion had diminished me, whereas true faith, I now believe, should make you more human than before."

Samhain Altar

2006-05-02T18:35:00.000+10:00

A photograph of my paternal grandmother is surrounded with candles. Three runes are placed in front of her photograph - jera, eiwaz, and pertho (representing, for me, the year, death, and rebirth). The oil burner scents the room with rosemary, for rememberance. A dead butterfly is propped against the photo frame. The banksia vase is filled with crow and magpie feathers that I've collected over the past few years.

April Full Moon

2006-04-28T10:53:00.000+10:00

Darkness has descended during this month, and it is now pitch black when I arrive home at night. The mornings have become misty, and on certain days our entire suburb has spent the dawn quietly shrouded in cool fog.

It truly feels like autumn now - crisp, cool days, chilly nights, and misted mornings. I have been baking bread, enjoying the taste of a warm loaf spread with melted butter, the soft taste of yeast. This week, we have been brewing dark ale and ginger beer, to be bottled on Samhain, and drunk over the winter.

Samhain is approaching, and I have been reading Alexei Kondratiev's The Apple Branch: A Guide to Celtic Ritual , which has an interesting and inspirational section on Samhain, dividing the purpose of the festival into five parts, and examining each one. We have a long weekend leading up to Samhain, and I plan to do spend a day doing housecare - throughly cleaning the house, rearranging the altar, making a temporary ancestral altar, and planning our Samhain meal. I do enjoy this time of year - not only because the weather in this part of the country is so lovely, but because I love the celebrations surrounding Samhain and Yule. I haven't used my tarot cards or runes in... well, too long, and I look forward to the divinatory spreads I will use on Samhain, looking at the year ahead.

Dreams

2006-03-27T07:51:00.000+10:00

An older Witches Weekly question:-

"Do you believe dreams are ever symbolic?
How do you interpret dreams? Do you feel some are scenes from past lives? Future premonitons? Hidden thoughts and feelings?
What do you feel was your most symbolic/meaningful dream?"

I do strongly believe that dreams are symbolic - in fact, I think dreams could be defined as symbolic. They're the way our subconscious/Younger Self interprets the world.

I have a lot of trouble interpreting my own dreams. The only time I can interpret them is when they're obviously a simple stress dream - for example, if I'm worried about work, and I then dream about being at work, and things going wrong. On a reasonably regular basis, I have dreams that exist in entirely new worlds, which I find quite strange. Some of these seem so real, I wonder if they are some sort of message, or past/future life, or whether these places actually exist. And sometimes I just wonder at the endless creativity of my mind when my body sleeps.

I went through a disciplined stage of writing down all the dreams I remembered in the morning, and reading back over those is quite fascinating (although not particularly enlightening, in terms of symbolism). I would like to begin to do that again - I think looking back at the dreams of five years ago could be a very valuable exercise, in terms of seeing how my subconscious preoccupations have, or have not, changed.

The Ideal Newbie Book

2006-03-25T16:43:00.000+10:00

Witches Weekly asks "If you had to buy a book to give to someone that had no clue about paganism and wished to learn, what book would you pick and why?"

I guess this question is aimed at recommending books for a beginner, rather than someone who wants to know more about what paganism is for information's sake.

One of the first books I recommend is The Spiral Dance by Starhawk. It's a book that's very relevant to my variety of paganism (and I guess I'd be recommending with a bias towards my own practice - I can't really recommend books that don't resonate with me). I'd give the usual "ignore the history, read the footnotes" spiel, referring to the 20th anniversary edition, and then let them go from there. It's an excellent book that covers the basics but also has the potential for much deeper practice, and it does so with an eclectic approach rather than a strictly Wiccan approach. It's easy and absorbing to read, has plenty of exercises and personal anecdotes, and the footnotes that examine and elaborate on the way Starhawk's own beliefs have changed are great for a beginner to read.

If a beginner was interested in druid practices, or had Celtic leanings, I'd send them in the direction of Emma Restall Orr's Ritual. It's a book with a very broad basis - it can be reading from an atheist's perspective, which I think is good for beginners, as it doesn't assume certain beliefs. I came from an atheist upbringing into paganism, so I enjoy books that discuss aspects of belief and deity, which Ritual does. It's also a fascinating and deeper look at a main practice of most pagans - ritual itself. The ritualistic practices of paganism, and the reasons behind them, are a very useful point for a beginner to start.

Both of the above books assume a certain fascinated interest in paganism. If a beginner is looking for a very basic, "this is what's what" guide, then I would recommend some of the books published by Thorsons, like Paganism (Vivianne Crowley), Thorsons Way of Wicca (Vivianne Crowley), and Druidry (Emma Restall Orr). These are all good basic beginners books that don't go too deeply into aspects a beginner may not be interested in, but also don't skim over the top of important issues.

March Full Moon

2006-03-18T08:32:00.000+10:00

Daily temperatures remain in the high 20s to early 30s - I travelled to Melbourne during the waxing moon, and enjoyed their cooler weather, and the luxury of wearing long sleeved tops. It rained for several days while I was away, but generally there has been plenty of sun.

With the onset of autumn, the days are becoming noticibly shorter as we move towards Mabon - at 6.30pm, it is very firmly dusk, and there's not enough light to read by when walking home from the train station. After Mabon, I will begin getting home in the dark, and when we get closer to Yule, leaving home in the dark as well. While I enjoy the cooler temperatures, seeing no sunshine at home during the week is wearying.

Everything in the garden continues to grow with great vigour - the herbs are doing well, and I have planned to do some garden maintenance this weekend, including some much needed mulching as grass and weeds are growing up around the bases of our trees.

I have been somewhat preoccupied with work during this moon, although the full moon came during the midst of what I hope is a lifestyle change - an exercise routine which I've been sticking to, and a healthier diet. Let's hope I stick with it.

Welsh myth

2006-03-16T14:53:00.000+10:00

I'm reading Evangeline Walton's Mabinogion Tetralogy, which is a fictional retelling of the Welsh epic, The Mabinogion. It's fantastic - I find original epics rather hard to read - that style of "So-and-so did this. Then he killed this person. Then he wept rivers of tears, and turned into a goat." It's a little hard to connect with the characters. Walton's version is written like a novel, yet (as far as I can tell) remains close to the original material. Wonderful - I wish more people would re-write myths and legends this way. I enjoy modernised and altered re-tellings as well, but versions that stick close to the original, yet read like a modern novel, are fantastic.

I am fascinated by Welsh and Irish gods and goddesses, and have been reading and enjoying Pwyll's encounter with Arawn, Lord of Annwn, and Rhiannon. Unfortunately, this version doesn't have a pronunciation guide, which is annoying. I do like to make sure I'm reading correctly, and I rarely am. "Pwyll", for example, seems not to be pronounced "pwill", as I have been doing so, but rather "pwith". Now I'm off to find a pronunciation guide for all those other words with no vowels.

(I take that back. More sources seem to go with versions like "pwill", "pooeelh", or "pool". Some guides to Welsh pronunciation are here, here, and here.)

Offerings of food

2006-02-27T12:36:00.000+10:00

A question regarding offerings:-

If one is making a food offering on, for example, a Samhain altar, what is done with the food afterwards? Is it buried? Composted? Eaten? It seems wasteful to offer food, then bury it - it also seems strange to offer food, and then eat it yourself, or serve it to others.

What is your practice with regards to food offerings?

February Full Moon

2006-02-23T10:23:00.000+10:00

The temperature was noticeably cooler around the full moon, on 12 February, 2006. The sweltering heat of January had dissipated (although it made a reappearance the following week.) There were a couple of days of pleasant rain. The swamp banksia has grown, so that it reaches my shoulders, and the frangipani has put on a few more leaves. I planted herbs in pots during the waxing moon - garlic chives, thyme and basil - and plan to add several more to the increasingly fragrant verandah, including sage, parsley, and rosemary; all for combined culinary and magical purposes.

This month I did more personal growth stuff, as I term it - I made a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days, which includes a lot of adventurous stuff that takes me outside my comfort zone, and did a workshop where I had to present a case in front of an audience and a pretend judge - I felt surprisingly comfortable. In a week I'm flying to Melbourne to visit my grandmother, who is turning 91. I don't think she'll live to see my wedding next year, and I am at peace with that. She is tired. After a period of sadness this month, I am feeling much more cheerful, and looking forward to spending time with my mother in Melbourne, whom I haven't seen for about 8 months.

Names for this moon used in the Northern Hemisphere are Snow Moon, Hunger Moon, Bone Moon and Wolf Moon - not terrible appropriate for the warm weather and long days of our February. From my experiences of February, I would name this moon Planting Moon, Long Twilight Moon, or Grass Moon (because of all the mowing we've had to do this month.)

Blue moon

2006-02-16T15:40:00.000+10:00

There are two full moons in June of 2007, and the second one falls on a Saturday - the last day of June.

I simply have to be married on that Saturday. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be married on a blue moon?

Trust

2006-02-16T12:27:00.000+10:00

I stood on the pavement at the train station, waiting for C to pick me up. A gloriously pink sunset was sprawled across the horizon, and the puddles scattered over the carpark reflected small pink and blue clouds. I remembered a passage in Twelve Wild Swans which described a street party where deep puddles were surrounded with greenery, and candles floated in them, so that people paused and gathered, gazing into those reflective meditative pools.

When I arrived home, I dripped patchouli and juniper oil into the burner on the household altar, and rubbed a little of the dark, spicy scent on my wrists. I lit candles, and watched their light flicker over the goddess statue, who gazed at me, arms folded over her chest. I am re-reading Book of Shadows , and my hands itch to fill my spice cabinet with herbs and candles, to make magic once more. It has been years since I have cast a spell. I grew to afraid, too cynical. I'm ready to bring magic into my life once more.

I will work for several very intimately related things this year - to be more confident, to worry less, to trust more in my intuition. I was thinking over this at the train station, when the wind blew up suddenly, and raised a chill from my scalp to me feet. This is the right direction.

Moon

2006-02-14T12:37:00.000+10:00

The full moon last night rose above the trees, and I went and sat out in the back garden, in the cool night air. The trees were illuminated in its cool grey light, and I sat underneath the mango, looking up into the sky. My love is poured upon the earth, I whispered. Goddess, take away this sadness. Fill me up with your light. Let me be cleansed by it, renewed, refreshed.

I felt enormously peaceful, sitting there in the half-darkness. The branches of the mango tree shifted occasionally in the breeze, rustling gently. I was sitting by my neglected outdoor altar, and decided suddenly to take my goddess statue inside, to place on the household altar. She is wasted there, under the trees, as She is so manifestly present that I need no representation. Being under the trees and the full moon is enough. She pours into my soul.

Prayers

2006-02-13T10:03:00.000+10:00

Michael Leunig is a Melbourne cartoonist who wrote A Common Prayer, a book of strange and beautiful little prayers, several of which I have added to my very eclectic liturgy. I alter them with "Goddess" or "Gods" as I please, or leave them as they are, depending on my mood. I also generally leave the "Amen" off, as it's not a word that particularly resonates with me, or replace it with "Be blessed."

God, help us to live slowly;
To move simply;
To look softly;
To allow emptiness;
To let the heart create for us.

God rest us.
Rest that part of us which is tired.
Awaken that part of us which is asleep.
God awaken us and awake within us.
Amen.

Let us live in such a way
That when we die
Our love will survive
And continue to grow.
Amen.

Dear God
We loosen our grip
We open our hand.
We are accepting.
In our empty hand
We feel the shape
Of simple eternity.
It nestles there.
We hold it gently
We are accepting.
Amen.

Message

2006-02-13T09:46:00.000+10:00

I asked, "How shall I speak to you? How can I make my ritual speak to me?"

And she said, "Poetry."

Breath
(J. Daniel Beaudry)

Tree, gather up my thoughts
like the clouds in your branches.
Draw up my soul
like the waters in your root.

In the arteries of your trunk
bring me together.
Through your leaves
breathe out the sky.

Woods
(Wendell Berry)

I part the out thrusting branches
and come in beneath
the blessed and the blessing trees.
Though I am silent
there is singing around me.
Though I am dark
there is vision around me.
Though I am heavy
there is flight around me.

Invocations

2006-02-10T22:33:00.000+10:00

As part of my practice this year, I'm beginning, for the first time, to create a Book of Shadows, a personal record of invocations, chants and rituals (most of them, hopefully, personally created).

This decision reminded me of a song cycle I attempted to write several years ago, as part of a pagan singing group, of the story of Persephone. I became really caught up in creating my little songs, and it was an excellent way to connect to the myth. As my focus this year is on Celtic myths, I would like to do a similar project.

With one touch of my hand
The world changed around me
He took my light away
I could not see

Darkness surrounds me, presses my skin
I'm falling into endless night
I struggle and stretch against the fall
But his arms they clasp me tight

I turn toward the darkness
Beg to be allowed to rise
Then pause and gaze, such stillness,
Into his raven eyes

Wedding

2006-02-10T22:14:00.000+10:00

Since becoming engaged last week, I've been reading various books on wedding vows (yes, I do believe in being prepared early), and have been considering how to insert a pagan flavour into my civil vows with an agnostic man.

I would like to include blessings by the elements within the ceremony - something like, "May the waters and the rivers of the land bless your love. May the southern wind bless your love." I was quite inspired by a brief read of Raven Kaldera and Tannin Schwartzstein's Handfasting and Wedding Rituals, which has many good examples of pagan vows (although none of them quite as subtle as I'd like).

I'm quite attracted to the idea of a handfasting element within the ceremony as well - I'm planning to map out a couple of things I find attractive, and then begin negotiations with my partner. It's not essential for me to have pagan aspects to the ceremony - we're marrying outdoors, which is important to me. But I'd like to have the elements mentioned by the celebrant - they're an important part of my spiritual life, and how I view the world.

Celtic Australian Witchcraft

2006-02-10T21:22:00.000+10:00

I've just finished reading Ly De Angeles' When I See the Wild God: Encountering Urban Celtic Witchcraft, which I really enjoyed. This book was previously published in the late 80s as Way of Merlyn under Ly Warren-Clarke, although I think this is a revised and updated edition.

De Angeles is an Australian witch, and this book is very much grounded in her own Celtic practice, and concentrates particularly on the God, and connecting with him. It was fascinating to read something so God focussed, especially written by a woman, although I especially enjoyed the sections which focussed on her version of the Wheel of the Year, as that's something I'm focussing on this year.

Obviously, there were parts of this book I disagreed with - De Angeles' fairly strict and traditional ritual structure, and her quite savage attack on overweight pagans - however overall, it was an extremely interesting and enlightening book. Fascinating reading for Australian pagans who have Celtic leanings.

Harvest

2006-01-31T13:22:00.000+10:00

On the weekend, I made challah, spending most of Sunday kneading the silky, honey scented dough, and waiting for it to rise. I plaited it into two loaves, and after they had risen, brushed them with egg yolk. The oven transformed them into two darkly burnished loaves of woven bread.

I made bread a lot when I was at University, but I haven't done so since I began working. I love the meditative rhythm of kneading, feeling the dough become silky and smooth under my hands. In the absence of anything freshly harvested to include in the loafs, I used organic flour and free range eggs, thinking while I kneaded of the meaning of harvest. We harvest what we sow - does this mean if we sow illadvised seeds in our life, then we harvest chaos? Or does the word harvest imply only the useful, beneficial results of our actions?

Harvest, for me, has positive overtones - but surely when examining what you have harvested in your life, you must also examine the illadvised harvests you have made.

Thankfully, I have no harvests that I regret. While occasionally I have sown bitter talk only to reap it back, it was a learning experience. This summer has been a time of family reconnection, of a growing confidence in myself (although that has been a theme of the past year), and a growing confidence in the strength of my relationship. I am soon to be engaged, and that is a joyful harvest indeed.

Everytime I bite into that honeyed bread, I think of the joy and strength of this summer. May we all have such good harvests this year.

Lammas thoughts

2006-01-29T08:15:00.000+10:00

As Lammas is fast approaching, I've been doing more reading and thinking about its significance.

Here is a basic overview of Lammas; this is from an Australian perspective. The Australian Perspective on the Wheel of the Year is interesting, as is this Australian Seasonal Myth.

A beautiful personal musing on Lammas in Australia is wonderful, and this article on Idols of the Grain goes deeper into the history and meaning of the traditional corn dolly. Mike Nichol's article on Lammas is very widespread, but worth reading.

The weather has definitely become cooler and more comfortable in the last week. Today, I'm going to celebrate this first harvest festival by making bread, something I haven't done in a long time. It's such a meditative activity, mostly because of the slow stages it requires, and the kneading process. Here's to the creation of intention, and a long day meditating on the meaning of harvest, and of sacrifice.

Dowsing

2006-01-25T17:16:00.000+10:00

When I was younger, I remember using a pair of dowsing rods at home. Two L shaped pieces of metal; I held them by the short ends, loosely, and let the long ends swing around and occasionally cross over each other. When they crossed over, I was on top of water.

I cannot for the life of me who taught me how to do this, or gave me the rods. I remember my father and I tracking a pipe with them underground so that he wouldn't hit it when digging - it seems strange to me now that this was just an accepted way of checking where water was. It seems so esoteric, and not something that my father would do.

I was quite fascinated by the phenomena, and wandered all around the house and garden with my dowsing rods, watching them swing around. This memory has made me want to experiment with dowsing again. I'd like to make myself a pair of rods like those I remember having, but first I'm going to use a pendulum, for some practical divining. By practical divining, I mean using a pendulum to answer questions like, "Should I plant the tree here, or here?", rather than laying out a tarot spread for a general reading.

I have made a basic pendulum out of embroidery thread and a large blue glass bead, purely for aesthetic reasons. I shall do some experimenting tomorrow, and report any results.

Sacred Space

2006-01-22T18:03:00.000+10:00

Witches Weekly asks:-
Give us a tour, some images, or detailed descriptions of your sacred space(s). Be it a small table in your room, a small trip through the woods, etc. Show us where a spiritual place is for you.

When I think of sacred space, I think first of my altar. My personal altar sits within our spare room, up against a window. Created on a wooden chest that my father made for me, it is, at the moment, a minimalist construction, containing a wooden spice cabinet (a very special gift from a dear friend) which holds dried herbs, ribbons and crystals, an empty white ceramic bowl, a green and a white candle, and an amethyst and citrine crystal wand. The cloth over the chest is green - however, this changes regularly. Sitting before my altar is very sacred place for me - a space where I feel enormously at peace, and can sink within myself, to divine, to create ritual or magic, or to pray.

A very low key household altar sits on top of the bookshelf in the living room. This is where candles congregate, and there are two big groups of candles on either side of the bookshelf. A wooden bowl of ceramic runes I made when I was a teenager sit between the candles, as does another bowl of stones and shells I have collected at various special places.

Sacred space for me always begins when I ground myself - that tingle in my spine, the relaxing of my shoulders, the solidness of my weight on the earth say 'sacred space' to me. My mindset changes, the chatter of talking mind slows down, and I enter the sacred realm.

I grew up in the country, and the rainforest country of northern Australia is very sacred for me. I feel myself opening up when walking in the rainforests - a sensation deep within my chest of unfolding. I have so many memories entwined with the landscape that it will always be a very unique place for me.

I have lived in this house, in this place, for a year now, and am looking forward to working more intensely with the spirits of the land, and exploring the public areas around the nearby river. I'm sure that in the near future I will discover many more sacred spaces.

Moons

2006-01-22T17:52:00.000+10:00

A couple of years ago, I was inspired by a description of the names of Druidic moons I found somewhere - Oak Moon, Hawthorn Moon - and decided to do my own notes on each full moon for a year, to follow the patterns of the weather, and name my own very localised moons. I want to try and do it again this year, and take a look at the similarities and differences.

One year ago, I wrote:-
"This month has been sultry, sweaty and hot, although today we've had showers of gusty rain which has cooled things down enormously. Plants wilt without enough water. The basil grew enormous in the garden (with plenty of water, that is). There were mangoes cheap in the shops, and our mango trees produced a few fruit as well. Only a few more days until Lammas - perhaps this could be some sort of Harvest Moon, Summer, Sultry, Salt Moon."

January this year has also been sultry and hot, and we have had regular storms, flooding the back garden, and filling the sky with lightening. The young trees in the front garden are lush with new greenery, and the mango trees are laden with fruit, much of which is rotting on the ground underneath the trees. January is a lush month, and the first full moon of the year is a promising moon, lighting up the laden fruit trees and overgrown grass in the back garden with a silver glow. The moon on 14 January, 2006 was a lush, summer, burgeouning, flourishing, ripe moon, and Lammas this year will be a time of plenty.

Lammas in the Southern Hemisphere

2006-01-22T17:29:00.000+10:00

One aspect of paganism that has always frustrated me is how difficult it can be to transfer seasonal celebrations to the Southern Hemisphere, especially the sunny area of the Southern Hemisphere where I reside. Yule is not a time of cold darkness, but of cool dry weather, and darkness when I arrive home from work. Here, there are no dramatic alterations between seasons - the leaves do not change colours in autumn, it does not snow in winter. It will takes years for me to fully understand my environment, and to worship in the wheel of the year.

I change the directions of the elements when casting a circle - to the north is the equator, Fire, to the East is the rising sun, Air, to the South is the Antartic, Earth, and to the West the setting sun, Water. I cast a circle walking counterclockwise. I celebrate the Sabbats six months away from their Northern Hemisphere dates, so that Yule is in July, and Litha in December.

Lammas will fall in the beginning of February this year. Lammas is a sabbat that I have always had particular trouble with in terms of viewing it as a seasonal festival. Here, summer is beginning to wane. The days grow a little cooler, and I begin to plant things in the garden. I believe wheat is harvested here in December, so the ancient origins of this festival have little meaning here. I have always tended to view Lammas as a time of reflection on personal harvests, after the new year.

Caroline Tully is an Australian pagan writer - this excerpt about Lammas is from an article she wrote in Practicing the Witch's Craft

"Gemini is high in the eastern night sky, followed subsequently by Cancer, and Leo's brightest star appears low in the horizon. In the south this is late summer, often much hotter than Litha itself, and bushfire danger is high. Some birds begin to fly north, bogong moths emerge and are preyed upon by kestrels, the beautiful gum emperor caterpillars inhabit eucalypts, native trout spawn, and Tasmanian devils begin mating. In northern Australia it is the time of the late monsoon. In January, February and March, the weather can manifest in furious cyclones that may last for several days, bringing torrential rains. Forests can be devastated, large trees uprooted or stripped of nearly all their foliage, and animals have difficulty finding food. The heavy thunderstorms mean that the land is rapidly flooded, it is the maximum growth period for native vegetables although they are not ready to harvest, magpie geese and brolga lay their eggs, estuarine crocodiles hatch and platypus juveniles venture out of their burrows for the first time."

I'm going to think more deeply on Lammas, on what significance it has on this continent, and what indicators I should use - such as plants flowering - to note its presence.

Peace

2006-01-16T20:44:00.000+10:00

My father has left after staying at our place for a few days. I put away his mattress today and hauled the altar back into its place by the window in the spare room. I immediately felt a great sense of peace and calm - things were as they should be. I had my sacred place back again.

The full moon on Saturday was beautiful - I stood outside in the back garden before going to bed, and was washed in its soft grey light. The full moon is a very potent spiritual symbol for me, and a connection to that bone-deep feeling of serenity that I can connect to sometimes.

This last moon has been interesting in terms of self-development. I have realised that I'm very private with my emotions, insofar that I sometimes appear cold and uncaring to others. This is quite at odds with my internal image of myself, but not so with my very solitary and introverted personality. I have a gregarious mask I wear a lot, but it doesn't reach very far within. This next moon, I'd like to work more on integrating myself, and facing those parts of myself - the cold public face - that were not visible to me before.

Circle Casting

2006-01-12T14:09:00.000+10:00

As a tool for further learning (and a more structured year in terms of progression), I've decided to follow through the various exercises in The Twelve Wild Swans. It's very valuable, going over basic exercises again - I'm getting much more from them, and they resonate much more with me than they did a few years ago. I began last night, by casting a simple circle.

I lit the two candles on the altar, and closed the door to the spare room, after telling my partner that I'd be doing ritual for half an hour.

I began with the Tree of Life visualisation from The Twelve Wild Swans, sending roots down from my feet all the way to the earth's molten core, then drawing that energy back up into my body, out the crown of my head and up to the sky, then down once again with the sky energy into my body. I felt glowing and grounded and moved on to a cleansing.

I relaxed, emptied my mind, and without thinking too hard about what I was doing I began making clawing motions a few centimetres away from my body with my hands, and then flicking then out into the air. Claw, flick, claw, fick. I spent most of the time around my head and throat, raking my fingers through the air around my face and flicking them to get rid of whatever nastiness I was cleansing myself of.

When I was finished, I rubbed my hands over each other, and mentally prepared to cast a circle. Picking up a feather from the altar, I faced towards the East. "By the air that is her breath," and moved counterclockwise, arm outstretched, in a circle, "by the earth that is her body, by the waters of her living womb, by the fires of her bright spirit." I stood in the centre, one arm stretched up, one stretched down, and visualised the line meeting my hands, forming a sphere around me. "As above, so below. The circle is cast - we are between the worlds. What is between the worlds, changes the worlds."

I turned once more to the East, and inscribed the invoking pentacle in the air. "Powers of Air, come, be welcome," and continued around the circle to invoke Earth, Water and Fire.

I sat down in the circle, and spread out my tarot reading cloth. I spoke casually, saying something like, "Here, in this sacred space, I will read the cards, to see a clearer picture of my chakras. Please aid me in my endeavour to know myself more deeply." I shuffled the cards, and lay out on for each chakra. I wrote them down, folded up the paper and placed it in the empty bowl on my altar. "I will look at these tomorrow. May I have clear dreams. May I see my way in my dreams." (I dreamt about organising a boxing match).

I rose, took up my feather, and faced North. I drew the banishing pentagram. "Powers of Fire, farewell, and thanks," and continued my way around the circle. I faced once again to the North, arm outstretched. "By the fires of her bright spirit," and I made my way around clockwise, until I reached North again. "The circle is open, yet unbroken. May the spirits bless this sacred space." I stood and briefly grounded myself once more, using a tree image, and left the room.

Chakras

2006-01-10T16:25:00.001+10:00

I've never really been able to work with chakras, simply because I've never been able to sense them. While I've practiced visualising chakras, and doing opening and closing exercises, I don't think I'm truly sense them. I worry that when I visualise them, I'm merely imagining them. This is a worry I have a lot about visualisation. I need to learnt to trust myself more.

Can anyone give me advice on working with chakras? For example, when someone says that they sense that their root chakra is muddied, or disturbed, how do they know? When I visualise my chakras now, for instance, closing my eyes, I see plain bright colours - the classic rainbow. I can't sense changes of energy in my hands. Do I just do a regular visualisation of cleansing anyway? Are there any other ways of sensing the state of your chakras?

Perhaps using divination might be a way - a tarot card spread with 7 cards. I think I'll try this, and see how it feels.

Reiki

2006-01-10T16:25:00.000+10:00

When I was about 13, a friend of my mother's showed me how to do reiki. "Hold your hands over the person like this," she said, "hover them over the skin, and picture energy running down from the crown of your head and out the palms of your hands."

Almost immediately, I felt a strong pulling in the palms of my hands. It astonished me, that I could actually feel it so clearly, such an intense physical sensation.

About three years ago, I completed my Reiki One Certificate, over a weekend with a teacher I was rather dissatisfied with. He dispensed knowledge with one hand, and demanded an unreasonably large amount of grovelling energy in return, telling us at one point that we should value this skill he was so kindly teaching us because we could make money out of it, an attitude that didn't sit right with me. In fact, I thought he was joking at first, and half laughed, until he frowned at me with displeasure. I don't think the potential monetary value of the skills taught is a reason to value the teaching.

Anyway, while I didn't particularly like my teacher, I enjoyed what I was taught, and during a final reiki session, my hands became so hot that I left sweaty handprints on the t-shirt of one of my classmates. I loved the intense, absorbing feeling of energy rushing through me like a waterfall. I thought to myself that this abandonment is what ritual should feel like. It was the first time I'd had such a physical response to the metaphysical.

I met a friend at lunch today who was coughing and miserably blowing her nose. After we'd eaten, I sat for fifteen minutes with my hands on her back, gently sending energy to her while she spoke. "Aaaah, that's lovely," she said, several times, and she looked brighter in a way when she stood up - more cheerful and stable. I feel wonderful too, after channelling energy - like water has been rushing through me, washing me out. In the past, I haven't been able to feel energy being passed to me in reiki sessions - I wonder if I would be able to now.

I have always been a little sorrowful over my lack of psychic-ness - visible auras, prophetic dreams and visions - and consequently am rather proud of my ability to feel reiki energy so strongly. I hope to translate this skill one day to be able to energetically feel ritual circles, auras and chakras. In fact, I think using this skill more this year (as I have been while sitting at my altar each day - letting energy run through me, around the altar), will enable my sensory perception will increase. We'll see.

Deity

2006-01-09T19:26:00.000+10:00

I have been giving a great deal of thought in this new year to my concept of deity. It has always been a somewhat unrealised area in my spiritual path, and that is something I would like to resolve, or at least move further towards a resolution, this year.

In Living Druidry, which I have just finished reading, Emma Restall Orr writes at great length about her Druidic concept of deity. Gods, with a small g, are those forces in nature which we honour and respect. They are rivers, storms, trees and winds. They do not care about us. They can kill us. We do not worship them, but we approach them with respect, hoping to gain an exchange of energy, of awen. There is no all-loving mother goddess - there is just life, in all its cruelty and beauty. We honour the killing force of the storm as much as we honour its beauty, as they are all part of the same whole.

It's an interesting idea, but not one that I feel I can wholly subscribe to. Not at this moment. Although, on a side note, it made me wonder - when a lioness kills an antelope, that antelope feels terror, and pain, and is occasionally still alive when it begins to be eaten. It is not killed 'humanely'. When animals are killed by humans in terror and pain, what is the difference? Why is one to be honoured as part of the great force of life, and the other not? Is it because of the differences between humans and other animals? Is it because more often than not, slaughtered animals have not had much of a life to begin with before they are killed?

Back to deity. This is, at the moment, what I believe. I believe in the energy of life, in a great universal energy that flows and changes. I believe that the ancient gods and goddesses, from Artemis to Zeus, are ways of honouring that energy, each goddess and god celebrating a particular aspect of that energy, from wisdom to strength, stubborness to anger. (Restall Orr writes about human nature - anger, laughter, deceit - being gods; energy that we should honour and learn to communicate with, rather than simply control.)

I have not been called - have not felt that intimate absoluteness that others feel with deity, that feeling of belonging. I am glad, mostly - I would not want such a commitment at this age, at this time in my life. I think my level of knowledge needs to be far greater before I am ready for such a thing. But, at the same time, it would be nice to have a clearer sense of deity, rather than simply archtypes (although not simply archetypes, but also poetic and symbolic ways of seeing) and energy. Can I honour the energy of life, in all its ugliness and grace? I don't know. But it's something I'd like to explore.

Spiritual history

2006-01-09T16:55:00.000+10:00

I was raised as a faintly pantheist variety of atheist by parents who were firmly against organised religion, but who stocked the bookshelves with a variety of religious texts (a Bible, Hindu and Buddhist books). They were strong environmentalists and humanists, and those ideas are very important to me today. My parents were happy for me to read widely about other religions, and were fairly unphased when at 10 I wanted to be a Jehovah's Witness, at 12 I wanted to be a Hindu, and at 14 declared firmly that Buddhism was for me, and by the way, I'm vegetarian.

I was about 15 or 16 (and no longer vegetarian) when I first read what I think was Eight Sabbats for Witches by Janet and Stewart Farrar, which for some strange reason was in the collection of our local rural library. I was quite fascinated, probably mostly by the photographs of nude people gesturing with athames, and read it several times. It wasn't until I left home at 18, to study at University, that I began getting more seriously involved in paganism. I avidly read books by Silver Ravenwolf, Fiona Horne, and Starhawk, and joined a local pagan email group, where I was quickly inundated with a vast amount of differing opinions about everything. I loved it, met some people from the list, sang in the pagan choir, and attended a public ritual.

As years passed, I became disenchanted with the local pagan scene - I didn't spend any of my time learning or growing spiritually, but just read online fights and gossip. I disliked the pagan dogma spouted by many online, and it all seemed less and less related to my everyday life of studying law. I removed myself from the email list. My altar became dusty. I cleaned out my bookshelf, and gave away all my Silver Ravenwolf books.

Last year, I moved in with my partner for the first time, and no longer had an official altar. A goddess statue languished underneath the mango tree outside, with a goblet and a collection of stones, and I visited her occasionally, lighting incense. I didn't talk about my spirituality at all - when I was asked what the area was, I just said, "Oh, a peaceful place to sit." I described myself as an agnostic when asked, and an atheist at work, and I spent a lot of time at work. I was busy.

At the end of the year, I visited a psychic tarot reader, who turned up the High Priestess. "Oh," she said, "you're a very spiritual person. It's really important to you." I sat there for a moment, silent, then said, "Yes," and felt it too, deep inside my chest. It was a small epiphany, of sorts.

I was tired of not having time, of not wanting to appear silly and New Age (which has always been one of my problems, being naturally sceptical and coming from a very scientific and practical family). A sudden longing awoke in me, to learn and experience once again, to dive into the roots of my spirituality and develop a living, daily spiritual practice. And so, the beginning of this blog (I keep other, more everyday ones), and my spiritual resolutions this year.

(I realise I am being somewhat vague with the use of 'spiritual practice' and 'spiritual path'. If I were to define it, it would be something like pantheist pagan celtic witchcraft druidry, which is far too clumsy a label. So I use 'spiritual path' for ease of writing.)

I wonder about how open to be about this renewed dedication. I am open with my partner, who is a true agnostic, and a couple of friends, but I think to everyone else, I will remain as I am - the declared agnostic with a shelf full of books on witchcraft and paganism. It's not important to me to reclaim words, or label myself to other people. It requires too much explanation, explanation I'm not interested in giving. Perhaps if people in my life are genuinely and respectfully interested, I will go into further detail. But until then, my altar is in the spare room, and the living room altar is simply a bookshelf top of candles and photographs, similar to what can be found in many homes, and it doesn't evoke curiousity.

I feel so deeply excited and joyful about the year, the years, ahead. I am greedy to learn more, experience more - to ground myself in the forest, to experience magic, and to dissolve my barriers between the spiritual and the everyday. Here's to the days and moons ahead.

Senses

2006-01-08T17:44:00.000+10:00

A challenge for myself in the next few months - to rediscover my sense of touch, hearing and sight anew.

To sit, eyes closed, and hold an object in my hands, exploring it with my fingers. To place my empty hands resting on my thighs, and listen, to everything around me, noting each separate noise, and how they interact. To examine something as if for the first time, taking it in with my eyes as if it will be taken from me and I will have to draw every detail.

I will try to incorporate these exercises into my daily altar time, into my weekly meditation. I hope that this will enable me to drop into that state of altered, heightened consciousness more readily.

Continuity

2006-01-07T19:18:00.000+10:00

I am reading, with great pleasure, Living Druidry by Emma Restall Orr, which I found one copy of in Borders the other day.

I have previously read Ritual and was greatly inspired in my daily practice by this book. Living Druidry touches me in the same way, and I am reading it slowly, soaking up Restall Orr's words and ideas.

I return to work on Monday, after two glorious weeks of holidays. During the week, I am away from the house for at least 12 hours a day. While I have an hour's lunch break, and travel time to read and occasionally write, my spare time, in which to write, play violin, spend time with my partner and simply be, in my own home space, is limited. Unsurprisingly, as last year was my first experience with this routine, I lost touch with my spirituality. This year, however, I feel a deep pull to return and renew my spiritual practice. However, given my weekday constraints, this is going to require dedication and commitment.

As I have my own office space, I have some small freedom to bring my spirituality into my workplace - in fact, I hope to, this year, in a very discreet way, and make my work more strongly based in spirit. My work generally puts me in contact with people who rely on me to solve problems, and I think I can be much more effective at this if I work grounded and fully aware, and feel supported in spirit.

For the first few weeks of work, I aim to continue my daily devotional time at my altar, and to continue writing here several times a week. I would like to devote one lunch hour a week to a period of meditation outside the office, which I always failed to do last year despite vague intentions.

May I be strong and devoted in the year to come.

Books

2006-01-02T17:05:00.000+10:00

These are some of the books that I have found most inspirational and formative on my path:

Spiral Dance by Starhawk
The Earth Path by Starhawk
Twelve Wild Swans by Starhawk and Hilary Valentine
The Pagan Book of Living and Dying by Starhawk
Book of Shadows by Phyllis Curott
Witchcrafting by Phyllis Curott
Ritual by Emma Restall Orr
Celtic Goddesses by Miranda Green
The Gods of the Celts by Miranda Green
Celtic Gods, Celtic Goddesses by R J Stewart
At the Root of this Longing by Carol L Flinders
Crossing to Avalon by Jean Shinoda Bolen
Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love by Stephanie Dowrick

I'm going to re-read these books in the coming months, and post on my thoughts and rituals arising from them.

Books I would like to get hold of in the near future are:

Evolutionary Witchcraft by T Thorn Coyle
Circle Within by Dianne Sylvan
Living Druidry by Emma Restall Orr
The Veil's Edge by Willow Polson
The Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd
The Goddess Path by Patricia Monaghan
Goddesses in Everywoman by Jean Shinoda Bolen

I think a little trip to the local metaphysical bookstore in my lunchhour might be in order.

Resolutions

2006-01-01T09:53:00.000+10:00

I made a rather large list of resolutions and goals for the New Year (which at points was coming perilously close to a to-do list). These are my spiritual and magical resolutions for the year ahead:-

Create a personal altar in the spare room, incorporating my spice cabinet and the wooden chest my father made me.
Spend time at the altar every day, even if only to say a few brief words.
Celebrate each sabbat this year in some meaningful way, even if only by writing and reflection.
At least once a month, create and perform a small ritual.
Work on bringing positive energy into the house.
Create a basic house altar, a focus for energy, on the bookshelf in the main living room.
Be more spiritually mindful in my interactions at work - make my office a space of calm and focus.

Tarot Year Card

2005-12-31T16:50:00.000+10:00

Mary K Greer's Tarot for Your Self gives a formula for calculating the tarot card that rules each year - add the numbers of your birthday (day and month), and the current (or soon to arrive) year. If they equal a number in double digits over 22, then add them again.

My number is 7 - The Chariot.

I've never felt any particular affinity with this card. I know it means travel, moving forward, harnessing two opposing forces to create harmonious movement and velocity. Control asserted to create a direction.

Because my spiritual path is on my mind at the moment, I see this card as indicating that with control and concerted effort, this year I will find my direction. I often find myself divided between scepticism and faith, rationalisation and mysticism, my everyday life and the spiritual world. I think this year I will find a harmonious balance for these opposites, especially in the matter of bringing my spirituality into my everyday life, which can be only too void of spirit.

I think this is one of the first years in my life where I have felt no nervousness over what lies ahead. I am confident, and excited - I feel that this will be a year of peace, and contentment, but also some important changes, especially in the employment arena. I look forward to the dawning of the new year.

Numerology

2005-12-31T16:45:00.000+10:00

According to Titania's Book of Numerology, my number for the coming year is 6.

My primary concerns will be love, emotional security and happiness. I will feel self confident and optimistic, and my undertakings will prosper. Marriage may be under discussion (in fact, in the last few weeks it already has been). My home will take on a new importance to me.

This coming year will be a harvest - a contented reaping of seeds sown in previous years. It will unfold peacefully, slowly, but surely - it is a year to catch my breath, and enjoy all that life offers me.

Litha

2005-12-20T16:48:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow, the twenty-first of December, is the Summer Equinox, the longest day of the year, the culmination of the season. It is my partner's last day at work for the year, so he will celebrate by throwing off the worries of work and relaxing into his holidays. I still have two days of work left to go, so the Solstice will be a simple day for me.

It has been an unusual summer, this past month - full of volatile storms that arrive in the late afternoon in great gusts of wind, rain and occasionally hail, only to disappear by the morning, leaving the sky clear and blue, and the city sweltering under the sun's heat. Our young trees in the front garden have been enjoying the unusual summer rain, and have been covered in new leaves and flowers for weeks, a beautiful display of pink and rose. (This colour coordination is essentially accidental - I am not a great planner when planting out gardens.) Our mango trees drip with small hard green fruit. A great branch of the macadamia tree was torn off in one of the storms, and it lies in a heap of chopped lengths, waiting for us to decide what to do with it.

I sometimes find it strange to be participating in what are ancient rituals of the Northern winter in this sweltering heat. Spending a day baking at this time of year is decidedly unpleasant, yet I enjoy doing it. The potted cypress pine in the living room is not there as a reminder of life in the dark of the year, but is decorated with white and silver, cool colours, and is, to me, a celebration of the life blossoming under the sun outside. The presents we exchange on the twenty-fifth of December, the day we spend with our family, is a reminder of what is most precious in our lives - love and connection with community, exchange of energies. This is the first Christmas that I am having in my own house, and I have been greatly enjoying creating my own rituals, bringing in my living tree, and buying a couple of very kitsch stockings for my partner and myself to fill with goodies for each other. I hope, in years to come, to make my own stockings for us, and perhaps for our children.

I will be spending the Christmas day with my partner's family, but bringing along the Christmas pudding icecream that my mother has made for Christmas every year that I can remember. That, for me, is the personal resonance of the Christmas holiday, and to an extent, the Summer Solstice - tracing family traditions, and creating your own.

Reading

2005-12-18T12:05:00.000+10:00

I was given a half-hour psychic tarot reading from Gena for my birthday a few days ago.

It was a really interesting experience - I've never seen a psychic or had my cards read by a professional before, although I own several decks of tarot cards and regularly read them for myself and others. I wasn't sure what to expect as I walked up the narrow stairs to the upper floor of the bookshop.

Gena read from several decks for me, keeping up a running narrative and asking a few questions, although rarely asking me for input. I had the session taped, but I want to write down what I remember her saying, for future reference.

She told me:-

I would travel overseas in the next few years
I needed to buy a new toothbrush
I needed to take care of my back, and should get a massage once a month
I was going to make a new resolution about my health in the New Year, and stick to it
I was going to have a wonderful daughter in the future, who is going to be a very special woman
I am very spiritual
I am destined to make a difference in the legal world - to work with honesty and heart
I will get a new and fantastic job in six months
My mentor at work will introduce me to a man who will offer me a job
My mentor will leave my work in six months
My grandmother will die next year
I am in a very happy relationship
I need to experience some passion over the Christmas holidays
I currently work in a very autocratic and uncomfortable workplace
I shouldn't let it get to me, as I won't be there for too much longer
While I am there, I'm going to make a difference in the way the place runs

She was an excellent reader, and spot-on about a lot of things, especially those work related points. When she told me about my daughter, I felt tears come to my eyes, although I'm not sure why. I suppose because having children is something I really want to do in the future, and it was like an affirmation that it is actually going to happen.

Although she didn't go into a lot of detail about my spirituality, the High Priestess sitting on the table prompted me to once more explore my spiritual roots, and re-create a spiritual practice that has fallen by the wayside this year as I've begun working fulltime. This blog is going to be an expression of that, reflecting my thoughts, practice, and discoveries as I move into a new year.